Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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