hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
