I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
