is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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