Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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