Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize