I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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