i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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