This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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