jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
