I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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