there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
