she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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