No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
