They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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