well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
