im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
