Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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