It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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