did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just want to make out with him forever
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
