My friends, they love my intelligence
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
