Kiss
Puke
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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