wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize