Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
