How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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