I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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