...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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