I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
they need to just BURY HIM!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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