Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
