im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
