Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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