It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
