plz talk dirty to me
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
