I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
