I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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