Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just gargled with NyQuil
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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