that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize