He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
