Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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