Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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