so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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