Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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