We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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