i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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