You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
