Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
