Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
