i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
