Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
