How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
