dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
