The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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