I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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