i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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