How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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