i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize