i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
