$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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