i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just gargled with NyQuil
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
