You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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