She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
