yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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