I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
