i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
