i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
