I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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