nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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